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africansun06
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Name: Onyekachi Chika
Country: Israel
Metro: Jerusalem
Birthday: 6/29/1984
Gender: Female
Interests: At the moment....God and His crazy plans for me which I know little of right now, Ry: mon beau, Thailand, Israel, being a doctor, MUSIC, working with girls in the future, finding out what God's will is for my life, the end of poverty in africa and other developing countries, world peace (for real)...lol, debt relief, social justice in general and having a good time, whatever it may be
Expertise: Music is not really my expertise but it is what i love to do.... keeping old and new friends close to my heart always and smiling when i do not know what to say
Occupation: Retired
Industry: Entertainment
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  dacheeks2006
MSN: cheeks_2006@yahoo.com
Yahoo:  cheeks_2006@yahoo.com
Member Since:
5/7/2005
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Eve’s Lingering Fear
09/25/2009
Every woman knows now that she is not what she was meant to be. And she fears that soon it will be known – if it hasn’t already been discovered – and that she will be abandoned. Left alone to die a death of the heart. That is a woman’s worst fear – abandonment. (Isn’t it?). Rather than turning back to God, reversing the posture that brought about our crisis in the first place (what Eve set in motion and we have repeated ad nauseum), we continue down that path by doing what we can to secure ourselves in a dangerous and unpredictable world.
And down in the depths of our hearts, our Question remains. Unanswered. Or better, it remains answered in the way it was answered so badly in our youth. “Am I lovely? Do you see me? Do you want to see? Are you captivated by what you find in me?” We live haunted by that Question, yet unaware that it still needs an answer.
When we were young, we knew nothing about Eve and what she did and how it affected us all. We do not first bring our heart’s Question to God and too often, before we can, we are given answers in a very painful way. We are wounded into believing certain things about ourselves. And so every woman comes into the world set up for a terrible heartbreak.
(Captivating, 58-59)
This is so true. Even those who may be well-meaning, or at best oblivious, they answer this question in ways that still make you feel not captivating, not lovely, not worth listening to. And letting them answer, as important as they may be, can be devastating. But why is it is so much easier to put these important questions in unexperienced hands, in hands that may not understand the significance of this need.... instead of the hands that have the best answer?
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| what do you do when you feel like you are living, or trying to live a life you never intended to have?
It starts to get frustrating when you feel like everyone else has a say in how you should live your life, the choices you should make, when you should make them, how you should feel about them, or at least speak about them...but somehow, the things that you want and love and make you tick are just beyond the horizon, if only you would first jump through the many hoops.
And its hard work, trying to keep afloat, above the pit of depression and to not let yourself believe that they really do have that much power... but can you take back your power? Part of having a dream is surrendering it to the things that need to be done in order to achieve it. And sometimes those things are less than attractive. But what to do when they are no longer merely irritating but taking huge hulking bites and chunks out of the life you have now.... the present that will never be again..... is the future really worth the price of the present? Should the present be my sacrifice for this future that i do not even know I want any more?
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| Our lives are spent trying so hard and hoping that others can see us as we see ourselves or at least can recognize us for who we hope to be... or maybe to see the great things in us that we cannot see.
But what happens when people do not see what we see, or worse still, happen to see us as less than we hope we are ... who minimize us to even less than we actually are...
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| ”Despair,” wrote James Houston, “is the fate of the desiring soul.” Or as Scripture says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick” (Prov. 13:12 NLT). How agonizing it can be to awaken desire! Over the past year I have wrestled deeply with what it means to go on. God has come to me again and again, insisting that I not give up the dream. I have ranted and railed, fought him and dismissed him. It feels crazy to desire anymore... We all know the dilemma of desire, how awful it feels to open our hearts to joy, only to have grief come in. They go together. We know that. What we don’t know is what to do with it, how to live in this world with desire so deep in us and disappointment lurking behind every corner. After we’ve taken a few Arrows, dare we even desire? Something in me knows that to kill desire is to kill my heart altogether. | | |
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